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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I found and saved this while surfing a long time ago. If can figure out where I found it from; I will post the credits. I did some spell checking and gramar corrections and figured you all might get a good chuckle from it.


<img src="http://www.tractorforum.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=16036">
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I tried cutting and pasting this but it comes out a jumbles mess. Let me try again. I am not good enough to figure out how to get the two columns next to each other. Maybe one of you know how?



Submitted by Anonymous Friend:

Do you ever get confused reading all of those sale ads in the Thrifty Nickel? I know that if you're anything like me, you can't make heads or tails of what most of those ads are trying to tell you. Well, fear no more friends! I've got all the answers you need right here at the:The Tractor Buyer's Guide to Sale Ad TermsMany months of painstaking research have been completed by our experts. Exhausting and sometimes exasperating conversations, consultations and confrontations have taken place with farmers, implement dealers and tractor jockeys nationwide. Countless hours have been spent slaving over a hot computer. I even broke a fingernail working the hand clutch on my keyboard. In a Herculean effort to help my fellow tractor enthusiasts, I've translated the most indecipherable collection of B.S. known to mankind, into common terms, which are understandable by even the simplest of men. Remember folks, if you are in the market for a tractor, before you pick up that sale flyer; you need to carefully study this Tractor Buying Guide.




Ad Says:

Rough Condition
Parts tractor
Expo condition
Engine runs quiet
Needs minor Overhaul
Engine needs major overhaul
Burns no oil
Rebuilt engine
Drive it Away
Desirable classic
Modern classic
Stored 20 years
Restored
Solid as a rock
Good investment
No time to restore
95 percent complete
All there
Other conflict forces sale
Ran when parked
Slight surface rust
Good work tractor
Tires fair
Good rubber
On full steel
Good sheet metal
Many new parts
Extensive refurbishing
Ready for restoration
Lots of extra parts
Good hydraulics
Professionally restored
One owner tractor
Show quality
Pony start
Aftermarket three point hitch
Easy restoration
Governor needs work
Engine sound
Undercarriage good
Runs OK
Older restoration
Industrial model
Basket case
Must sell ASAP
12 volt conversion
Located in Canada
Had wheel weights
Good radiator
Fresh overhaul
Air conditioned
Rebuilt distributor
Located in Arkansas
Excellent puller
Pictures available
90 percent restored
Easy starting
Nice 40" spokes
Good oil pressure
Collector's item
Well maintained
Serious inquires only
Rare find
For sale cheap
Cut tires
Hate to sell
Hand crank
Clean tractor
Been shedded
Cleaning out barns
Parade ready
Rebuilt head
Crossmotor
Good
T/A Electric start
Power take off
Professionally finished
Turf tires
High tension magneto
Engine Free
Serviceable as is
Need larger
No rust
With bush hog
Delivery available
Barn Fresh
Engine slightly modified
Styled
Unstyled
Located in Iowa
Pressed steel frame
Big tractor
Tuned up
Rarely used
Garden Tractor
As is
All original
Antique
Road gear
Needs minor detailing
Rebuilt Carburetor
Needs Paint
Reconditioned magneto
Make offer
With extra block
Sheet metal sound
All fuel
Project tractor
Engine loose
Power lift
Parting out
One of a kind
Small crack in the block
Good battery box
Working hydraulics
Good manifold
Original paint
Good gas tank
Not very pretty
Rebuilt water pump
Brass tag
Purrs like a kitten



Really Means:

Too bad to lie about
Beyond Repair
Been waxed one timeUsing 90W oil
Needs new
Ready for the junkyard
Does not run
Cleaned the plugs
Owner lives on a hill
Nobody liked it when new
Manufacturer didn't like it
Sitting in fencerow on back 40
Stored 20 years in barn
Rusted solid
Can't be worth less
Parts don't exist other 5 percent doesn't exist
Disassembled on barn floor
Wife says me or that #%$ thing is going
Engine and transmission are stuck
No trace of paint anywhere
Missing all sheet metal and safety equipment
Hold air, but no tread left
Needs four tires
Tires completely rotted away
Only a few big dents
Still not running right
Rattle can paint job
Total basket case
Don't know where they go
Only leak when use is attempted
Brush painted by ten year old neighbor kid
Wife finally got sick of junk in the yard
Looks good, doesn't run
Requires two ponies, not included
Won't fit existing implements
See "Parts Tractor"
Kicked a rod due to Over-rev
Has a really bad knock
Only throws a track when you turn
Won't pull itself in first gear
Was washed once in 1973
Everything completely worn out
Not even good for parts
Divorce imminent if not sold
Electrical system totally fried
Block cracked due to frozen coolant
Rims poured full of cement
Only leaks when the engine is running
Replaced plugs and points
Cab windows all broken or missing
Has new cap and rotor
Held together with bailing wire
Owner sick of losing
Will cost more than you can afford
Wife demanding electric washing machine now!
One good push is all it takes
Giving up because he couldn't find tires
Gauge is broke
Nicely painted junk
Oil change once in last five years
Looking for a sucker
Common as dirt
Wife is really mad this time
Ran over old cultivator while mowing
Can't wait to get rid of it
Must be pulled to start
Scraped most of the mud off after getting stuck
Shed is now collapsed on tractor
Divorce is now final
Engine too weak for real work
Lashed the valves
Seldom starts, never runs right
Works only on the high side
Requires jumper cable
Sometimes moves under its own power
Restoration interrupted by wife's lawyer
You have to dig it out of the mud yourself
It's a headache to start
Transmission stuck
It needs a lot of service
Tractor broke frame while pulling stumps
Too greasy for rust to form
Needs four tires
Desperate to sell
Buried in bird poop - you dig it out
Crankshaft is broken
Hippie daughter painted flowers on it
Brush painted with red oxide primer
Hippy daughter left for Ag School
Crushed in a cattle stampede
Won't fit in garage with wife's car
Just filled tank with fresh gas
Never would start
Wife has flowers planted all around it
Will NEVER run again
Engine blew up, left it where it quit
Anything with rust on it
Lights and SMV emblem
Some paint left
Patched crack in bowl with some JB Weld
Sheet metal completely rusted out
Swiped magnets from the refrigerator
So bad the owner's embarrassed to set a price
It's cracked too
Rattles so loud you can't hear the engine run
Won't run no matter what's in the tank
For someone with more dollars than sense
Absolutely no compression
What you'll need to get it on the trailer
Ran out of parts to keep it running
Impossible to find one in worse condition
Window where the rod came out
Old toolbox welded to hood
TPH will lift if no implement is attached
Not cracked all the way through
The small patch under all that grease
Only leaks if more than half full
Your wife will cry when she sees it
Put some blue silicon around the seal
Small metal plate worth more than the tractor
Won't run for $%^#*
 

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EX Super Mod
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About right

Thats about right thats what i have seen on alot of stuff.
Chief when i click on the link it opens side by side of corse it opens in Microsoft Word.
Jody
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I figured it might be time to bring up this post and rehash the terminology since Spring is here and folks are thinking about buying tractors.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Andy, is there anyway to make the two columns of terms side by side? Sure would make it easier to read.
 

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EX Super Mod
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If i had paper for my printer i could print it and then scan it and repost it. But I'm out of paper.
Jody
 

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Like this?:

What the Ad descriptions really mean.
Rough Condition - Really means: Too bad to lie about.
Parts tractor - Really means: Beyond Repair.
Expo condition - Really means: Been waxed one time using 90W oil.
Engine runs quiet - Really means: Needs new.
Needs Minor Overhaul - Really means: Engine needs major overhaul.
Engine needs major overhaul - Really means: Ready for the junkyard.
Burns no oil - Really means: Does not run.
Rebuilt engine - Really means: Cleaned the plugs.
Drive it away - Really means: Owner lives on a hill.
Desirable classic - Really means: Nobody liked it when new.
Modern classic - Really means: Manufacturer didn't like it.
Stored 20 years - Really means: Stored 20 years in barn.
Restored - Really means: Sitting in fencerow on back 40.
Solid as a rock - Really means: Rusted solid.
Good investment - Really means: Can't be worth less.
No time to restore - Really means: Parts don't exist.
95 percent complete - Really means: other 5 percent doesn't exist.
All there - Really means: Disassembled on barn floor.
Other conflict forces sale - Really means: Wife says me or that #%$ thing is going.
Ran when parked - Really means: Engine and transmission are stuck.
Slight surface rust - Really means: No trace of paint anywhere.
Good work tractor - Really means: Missing all sheet metal and safety equipment.
Tires fair - Really means: Hold air, but no tread left.
Good rubber - Really means: Needs four tires.
On full steel - Really means: Tires completely rotted away.
Good sheet metal - Really means: Only a few big dents.
Many new parts - Really means: Still not running right.
Extensive refurbishing - Really means: Rattle can paint job.
Ready for restoration - Really means: Total basket case.
Lots of extra parts - Really means: Don't know where they go.
Good hydraulics - Really means: Only leak when use is attempted.
Professionally restored - Really means: Brush painted by ten year old neighbor kid.
One owner tractor - Really means: Wife finally got sick of junk in the yard.
Show quality - Really means: Looks good, doesn't run.
Pony start - Really means: Requires two ponies, not included.
Aftermarket three point hitch - Really means: Won't fit existing implements.
Easy restoration - Really means: See "Parts Tractor".
Governor needs work - Really means: Kicked a rod due to Over-rev.
Engine sound - Really means: Has a really bad knock.
Undercarriage good - Really means: Only throws a track when you turn.
Runs OK - Really means: Won't pull itself in first gear.
Older restoration - Really means: Was washed once in 1973.
Industrial model - Really means: Everything completely worn out.
Basket case - Really means: Not even good for parts.
Must sell ASAP - Really means: Divorce imminent if not sold.
12 volt conversion - Really means: Electrical system totally fried.
Located in Canada - Really means: Block cracked due to frozen coolant.
Had wheel weights - Really means: Rims poured full of cement.
Good radiator - Really means: Only leaks when the engine is running.
Fresh overhaul - Really means: Replaced plugs and points.
Air conditioned Cab - Really means: windows all broken or missing.
Rebuilt distributor - Really means: Has new cap and rotor.
Located in Arkansas - Really means: Held together with bailing wire.
Excellent puller - Really means: Owner sick of losing.
Pictures available - Really means: Will cost more than you can afford.
90 percent restored - Really means: Wife demanding electric washing machine now!
Easy starting - Really means: One good push is all it takes.
"Nice 40” spokes" - Really means: Giving up because he couldn't find tires.
Good oil pressure - Really means: Gauge is broke.
Collector's item - Really means: Nicely painted junk.
Well maintained - Really means: Oil change once in last five years.
Serious inquires only - Really means: Looking for a sucker.
Rare find - Really means: Common as dirt.
For sale cheap - Really means: Wife is really mad this time.
Cut tires - Really means: Ran over old cultivator while mowing.
Hate to sell - Really means: Can't wait to get rid of it.
Hand crank - Really means: Must be pulled to start.
Clean tractor - Really means: Scraped most of the mud off after getting stuck.
Been shedded - Really means: Shed is now collapsed on tractor.
Cleaning out barn - Really means: Divorce is now final.
Parade ready - Really means: Engine too weak for real work.
Rebuilt head - Really means: Lashed the valves.
Crossmotor - Really means: Seldom starts, never runs right.
Good Works - Really means: only on the high side.
T/A Electric start - Really means: Requires jumper cable.
Power take off - Really means: Sometimes moves under its own power.
Professionally finished - Really means: Restoration interrupted by wife's lawyer.
Turf tires - Really means: You have to dig it out of the mud yourself.
High tension magneto - Really means: It's a headache to start.
Engine Free - Really means: Transmission stuck.
Serviceable as is - Really means: It needs a lot of service.
Need larger Tractor - Really means: broke frame while pulling stumps.
No rust - Really means: Too greasy for rust to form.
With bush hog - Really means: Needs four tires.
Delivery available - Really means: Desperate to sell.
Barn Fresh - Really means: Buried in bird poop - you dig it out.
Engine slightly modified - Really means: Crankshaft is broken.
Styled - Really means: Hippie daughter painted flowers on it.
Unstyled - Really means: Brush painted with red oxide primer.
Located in Iowa - Really means: Hippy daughter left for Ag School.
Pressed steel frame - Really means: Crushed in a cattle stampede.
Big tractor - Really means: Won't fit in garage with wife's car.
Tuned up - Really means: Just filled tank with fresh gas.
Rarely used - Really means: Never would start.
Garden Tractor - Really means: Wife has flowers planted all around it.
As is - Really means: Will NEVER run again.
All original - Really means: Engine blew up, left it where it quit.
Antique - Really means: Anything with rust on it.
Road gear - Really means: Lights and SMV emblem.
Needs minor detailing - Really means: Some paint left.
Rebuilt Carburetor - Really means: Patched crack in bowl with some JB Weld.
Needs Paint - Really means: Sheet metal completely rusted out.
Reconditioned magneto - Really means: Swiped magnets from the refrigerator.
Make offer - Really means: So bad the owner's embarrassed to set a price.
With extra block - Really means: It's cracked too.
Sheet metal sound - Really means: Rattles so loud you can't hear the engine run.
All fuel - Really means: Won't run no matter what's in the tank.
Project tractor - Really means: For someone with more dollars than sense.
Engine loose - Really means: Absolutely no compression.
Power lift - Really means: What you'll need to get it on the trailer.
Parting out - Really means: Ran out of parts to keep it running.
One of a kind - Really means: Impossible to find one in worse condition.
Small crack in the block - Really means: Window where the rod came out.
Good battery box - Really means: Old toolbox welded to hood.
Working hydraulics - Really means: TPH will lift if no implement is attached.
Good manifold - Really means: Not cracked all the way through.
Original paint - Really means: The small patch under all that grease.
Good gas tank - Really means: Only leaks if more than half full.
Not very pretty - Really means: Your wife will cry when she sees it.
Rebuilt water pump - Really means: Put some blue silicon around the seal.
Brass tag - Really means: Small metal plate worth more than the tractor.
Purrs like a kitten - Really means: Won't run for $%^#*.

cvt
 

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EX Super Mod
Joined
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5,317 Posts
Thanks Chuck

Nice job :thumbsup:
Jody
 
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