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A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

---Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

---(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


hope you injoy
 

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THANKS!!!! I needed the laugh today.
 

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Thanks jb, I will post it at work!
 

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Thanks for the laugh jbetts:thumbsup:
 

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The other day I was driving down the road when one of those white ambulance type vans came whizzing by me. As it rounded a corner, the back door flew open and out came this cooler type thingy spilling it's contents on the road. I stopped, walked over to the mess on the road, which consisted of ice and a plastic bag. I picked up the bag and was shocked :eek:mg: to see 3 toes inside. Having been taken aback by this, I wasn't sure what to do. So, after some thought I did the only logical thing. I reached for my cellphone and called........ A toe truck :D
 

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A toe truck :furious: :furious: That was a good one:lmao:
 

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A frail old man all hunched over and withering in pain comes into the ice cream shop and after a grimacing walk from the door to the counter the old man asks for an ice cream sundae in an agonizing wheeze of pain asks for extra cherries.. The clerk leans over and ask Crushed nuts sir? and the old man replies OOOOH god no just arthuritis:furious:
 

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A wife was harping at her husband that he needed to go and have a physical as it was some time since he had one, and he would always reply he did not have time and he did not like going to the doctor. Up to that point this fellow was complaining he had this problem and that and that he did not feel his usual self. So the wife calls the doc up and asks if there is any pills etc that could be prescribed to him to help his symtoms. The doc replied that its better to have the husband come in for a physical as they would need to run some tests etc, and blood would need to be drawn, urine tests run etc etc. The wife replied he just refuses to go to a doctor, as he just will not take the time to do so. After a long pause the doc replies, well, in that case just bring me in a pair of his used under drawers and I we will have what samples we will need to run the tests.
 
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