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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he smiled. "What myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that the French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name."

"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.
 

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a day ahead of y'all
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Bubba and the chickens..

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Bubba stops by the Ag shop to have his tractor fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" said Bubba, and out the door he went.

In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" Bubba said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.

Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time,"

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know now that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and try to ravish me?"

Bubba said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose! How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady said: "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!!"

(Andy, if not appropriate, please delete...but I thought it was funny!)
 

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Chief, I think that every red blooded male if married can relate. Thanks for the joke and pictures.. Livened up the day:furious: :furious:
 

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A man gets on his flight and takes a seat in first class. The flight attendant comes on with the routine of where the doors are and so forth then she says that the flight from boston to Calif. is being piloted by capt Barbara Hurst, this gentleman now thinks he needs a stiff drink. So when the attendant stops by w/ the drink cart, he asks for a 7&7 and asks if he heard her right about the pilot being female she said yes it is true and thathe co-pilot and every one elserunning the pane were female.. He exclaimed he needed another drink w/ females in the cockpit.... The attendant then said sir it is no longer the cockpit but politically correct it is now the box office.
 

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Heres a pretty good joke.


Two Louisiana alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"

"Democrats, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do ya catch 'em?"

"Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by Boudreaux's."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Chevy's and waits fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jumps out, grabs 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em and eats 'em!"

"Ah! " says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't getting' any real nourishment." "See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a Democrat, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."
 

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Know how to tell a democrat been using your computer?

Theres white-out on the screen.....:eek:
 

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Wha-cha call 3 democrats in a line?

A wind tunnel!:confused: :confused:
 

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A young bull and an old bull were standing on top of a hill over-looking a pature full of heifers. The young bull says " Let's run down there and ride a couple of those heifers!!" The old bull says "Nah, let's walk down and ride 'em ALL." :D :riding:
 

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An Iragi general is leading his troops thru a desert area when over a dune a unseen american voice says "one marine can kick 5 Iraqi solders.
So the general sends over 5 troops, a battle starts and 15 minutes later it is silent and the voice says again one marine can beat 15 Iraqi solders
The general annoyed sends over twenty this time to take down the marine, The battle starts again and it last 45 minutes and the American voice says again, One marine can take on 100 Iraqi solders, Well the general decides to send over 100 to take out the marine and a battle ensues and after a hour and half it is over and all is silent until,
One lone Iraqi solder badly wounded and bleeding crawls over the dune and tells the general
"Do not send any more the marine lied, There's 2 marines over there.:eek:mg: :D :devil:
 

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A mother and her 5yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes, she did...." "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time."

"Have your mother explain THAT to you." NANA NANA NANA

:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

Greg
 
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