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a day ahead of y'all
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AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE REPORTS

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement"
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very -rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1 : "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1 : "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2 : "#1, # 3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "It does now."

Problem: "Something loose 1n cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot 1n altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF operative in ON mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
 

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We had a dispatcher on a deployment with us one year and he spoke ebonics to a perfection.........

It was back during the good old F4 days. An F4D took off and almost imediately called back to base to inform us he was declaring an IFE (in flight emergency) due to a buss tie light (BUSS is what Ties both electrical systems on the two engines together and it failed) Anyway this dispatcher called for the R & R shop personel to come to debreif and wait for the pilot to get back on the ground and debreif.....R & R folks do tire changes etc etc, and while they were there waiting for probably what has got to be the one and only debreif for an R & R person as usually their maintenance is in support of others, the dispatcher asked just how that pilot knew he had a "busted tire" , if he was in the air.........duh!
 

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I can remember having conversations like that with pilots when I was in the Air Force (aircraft maintenance for 22 years).
 

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Since you Ground Dwellers are having a good Ole time yucking it up At real pilots expense, how about a little fair and balanced here!!

Just try strapping one of these fire breathing vibrating monsters on to your butt!! And then see how lucid you are after mud wrestling with man's greatest achievement!!
 

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Dean, I don't know about you, but I took it to be some pilots have fun with maintenance crews. Chill man,, don't take every thing as a personal afront!;)
 
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